Posts tagged: transformational journey

You are Invited: My Edgewalker Journey #11 – A Life Well Lived

My maternal Grandmother Nilda Rose was one of the most influential people in my life.  Besides being the matriarch of our family she was an incredible woman of strength, integrity, courage and wisdom. Loving, caring and sharing were the words she lived by and instilled in our family. She and my grandfather George who died many years earlier were happily married for 55 years. Their love was an inspiration. Coming from a big extended Italian New York family of entrepreneurs and immigrants was a key ingredient that ignited the courage I needed to take the leap of faith on my transformational Edgewalker Journey. I was blessed to be a part of Nilda and George’s legacy as their first grandchild. It gave me the strength to follow my own path.

I always felt loved unconditionally by my Grandmother. I was seen, heard and met by her. She encouraged me to know my worth as it related to everything in my life – men, money, work, my body, my uniqueness, heart and soul. She was an advocate of strong women. Her influence over her 3 daughters, granddaughters and great granddaughters (as well as the men in her lineage) left a profound mark on all of us.

Nilda Rose was 95 years old in the Summer of 2007 when I was on the Big Island. She was living in her home in Westchester County, New York outside of Manhattan where I grew up. Her mind was sharp, she still felt like 35 years old on the inside, yet her body was failing. She was tired.

One day in July she called me and shared that she felt complete with her life, yet she was concerned about leaving her family and conflicted about dying. My Grandmother was a deeply spiritual woman and had faith, so she was not afraid of dying, just of leaving. I reassured her that because of her Presence in our lives we were touched forever by her generosity, loving, caring and sharing. She had encouraged us to be a close family which we are to this day, down to 4 generations! It was as if she was looking for permission to transition to her eternal home. I told her it was OK to let go, that I loved her and thanked her for priceless contribution to my life. She could let go and be at peace if she chose.

A few days later I was sleeping with my friend Jim Channon in his bedroom.  At 11 pm Hawaii time his mosquito net which was secured on a frame over his bed, fell on us out of nowhere and woke us up startled. It was strange as he mentioned he had never had that happen in all the years he had it over his bed.  We went back to sleep and I was awoken early the next morning July 12th, 2007  from a call from  my Mom in New York. My Grandmother has passed away at 5 am New York time which was 11 pm the night before in Hawaii. Jim and I felt it was my Grandmother who had knocked the mosquito net off it’s frame. I knew it was her communicating with me and saying goodbye.

I felt sad and grief over her loss. I also experienced  peace and gratitude as I celebrated the incredible life of this amazing woman. She was free. I still miss her to this day, over ten years later. However, the deep bond and connection with my Grandmother and the wisdom she shared, no matter where I travel, is at home within my heart forever. I am a better woman and individual because of her. Nilda had a life well lived!

**Lessons from my Grandmother Nilda:

* “This isn’t money this is love.” (She would write this on a post it note and put it on every bill and check she gave us!)

*Know your worth, especially as a woman! If you don’t no one else will. (She helped me to raise my fees in my business!)

*Always have a man love you a little bit more. In other words, when you respect and value yourself first you will attract a man who will do the same.  Don’t settle for less!

*Family is wealth. Loving, caring, sharing. (When she looked at the generations of her family spending time together she would say, “I am a billionaire.”) 

 

My Edgewalker Journey #10 – Walking Between Worlds

Living in Hawi on the northern most point of the Big Island of Hawaii was beautiful and isolated. House sitting for friends on their 12 acre sanctuary was heaven on earth. I was deeply grateful to be surrounded by tropical fruit orchards and abundant flowering plants and trees, coy ponds with crystals and lotus flowers, egrets flying, cows and horses in the fields, and breathtaking views of Maui and the Pacific Ocean in the distance. My favorite thing was gazing at the infinite stars in the dark night sky. I felt at one and connected to the Universe as if I were walking between the worlds. At times I also experienced isolation, aloneness and felt small.  My so called problems and life seemed insignificant in the grand scheme of things, like I was an ant invisible in an ant hill. It was a valuable yet often uncomfortable perspective that threatens the ego and invites the spirit at the same time.

The Hawaiian Islands are the most isolated place on Earth. The closest land is about 2500 miles in any direction. It can feel like heaven or hell on earth, depending on your perspective. I loved the peace and quiet, beautiful nature, expansive, nurturing energy of the land and fresh air, and being away from my life on the mainland. However, the longer I was there the more I was BEING in the quiet and not DOING and staying busy. I was reminded of how much I was driven to distraction my entire life. My New York, type A personality and east coast upbringing was still running me even though I was thousands of miles away in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The expression, “You can take the girl out of NY but you cannot take the NY out of the girl” applied here. You can be in the most beautiful, peaceful and remote place in the world, yet the peace and quiet becomes deafening and uncomfortable when the voices of self-judgement, doubt, old stories and the ego mind start to chatter. The “monkey mind” as they call it in Buddhism,  become very loud. All the issues, fears, limitations and insecurities I was running away from caught up with me on that beautiful sanctuary on the Big Island. I was faced with myself, the self I did not like to BE with, feel, acknowledge.

I sought heaven, yet was still living on Earth. As an Edgewalker I understand that life has many dimensions and WALKING BETWEEN WORLDS integrates body, mind and spirit. My sense of belonging and interconnectedness with nature, the stars and greater Universe felt easy. However I also was living in a physical body with it’s challenges, human experiences and emotions, fears and concerns.  Looking back the support I had from friends and neighbors including Jim Channon, and so much time alone provided me the much needed perspective to stop, get grounded, listen, feel and heal.  It was as if I was having an identity crises, letting go of my old world and paradigm, yet not yet knowing where my new life and Source of Self would come from. Little did I know that my authentic self was within me waiting to be revealed. I had been searching all my life for the very thing that had been within me from birth and beyond, my Divinity, my spiritual heart, my soul. I began peeling away the layers as the journey of transformation continued.

**Lessons:

*No matter where you go there you are. You cannot run from yourself.

*Give space and time to the parts of you that want to be seen, heard, expressed.  You are worthy and deserving of your love, compassion, patience and nurturing. Watch, observe, breathe and allow. As you reclaim your wholeness you reclaim your life.

*Paradise is an inside job. We can create heaven on earth when we find peace and acceptance within ourselves first.

 

 

 

Walking on the Leading Edge #8- A Journey of Power, Passion & Peace

The Big Island of Hawaii is one of the few places in the world where I want to kiss the ground when I get off the airplane. I feel at home there. I am embraced, welcomed and resonate with the energy. I love the wild and diverse beauty and how big it is! All of the other Hawaiians islands can fit into the Big Island.  Though I have never lived there full time the weeks and months I did spend in the Summer and Fall of 2007 changed my life. My focus, direction and path shifted dramatically due to events and the deeper healing and revelations that occurred on the Big Island.

I was first called to the Big Island. I had to swim with the dolphins. Little did I know the call was more about dying to my old life and identity to uncover, discover and connect more with my authentic self.  The locals say that “Hawaii either embraces you or chews you up and spits you out.” The Hawaiian islands have embraced me since the first day of my arrival. Some of  this embrace had to do with my willingness to transform, release my old limiting beliefs, conditioned behaviors and worn out relationship patterns. The new space created a greater opening for my long buried Divine Essence to express. I have known many individuals who could not stay on Hawaii for more than a couple of weeks as it was too difficult and intense emotionally resulting in broken relationships, financial troubles, etc. I ended up staying for a couple of months and then kept coming back again and again over the next decade.  My intense Scorpio nature, commitment to my spiritual growth and desire to be free from my story and ego persona gave me the courage and stickability to stay in this raw and beautiful paradise. Being a runner all my life I finally stopped and faced myself. Over time like a ball of twine unravelling I discovered my deeper Truth & Integrity.

The Hawaiian legend of Pele, the Goddess of Fire, is alive on the Big Island of Hawaii and supported this transformational shift as did the powerful energy of Kilauea volcano that is active at Volcano National Park.  Pele’s story explains that “Like a volcano’s lava that creates new land, the goddess Pele reminds us that, even fiery eruptions and emotional upheavals are followed by new life and change. As an archetype Pele is a passionate and creative force that transforms and rebuilds the landscapes of our lives.”

A perfect explanation and metaphor for my life. In addition my Edgewalker qualities of passion & playfulness were essential as I navigated through this adventurous time of fiery, passionate transformation, powerful change and experiencing a more centered and peaceful existence. House and dog sitting by myself at my friend’s beautiful 12 acre Kohala Sanctuary in Hawi, the northern most point of the Big Island, was the perfect setting for this chapter in the school called my life!

**Lesson from Pele, Hawaiian Goddess of Fire (worth repeating):

Like a volcano’s lava that creates new land, the goddess Pele reminds us that, even fiery eruptions and emotional upheavals are followed by new life and change. As an archetype Pele is a passionate and creative force that transforms and rebuilds the landscapes of our lives.”

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